The Real Gift: Presence over Presents
I once attended a talk by zen monk Haemin Sunim, author of the global bestselling book, The Things You Can See Only When You Slow Down.
Getting there wasn't slow — speeding at death-defying speeds in the back of a classic black cab — but once I was inside the quiet space of London’s Saint Stephen's Hall, I could feel my pulse slow. Someone handed me a gin and tonic in a teacup.
How blissfully British.
I asked two well-dressed women if I could sneak a seat beside them and we struck up a conversation immediately.
Introductions were made from the small stage at the front of the room and a conversation between Haemin and Idler magazine editor, Tom Hodgkinson, began.
Haemin shared wonderfully simple advice on how to slow down and find meaning in our day-to-day lives, such as going out of your way to meet a loved one at the bus stop or picking your children up from school. (Remember how it felt to see our mother's face after a full day of kindergarten?)
Loving, intentional acts.
Hearing Haemin speak affirmed the choices I’d been making at home and at work to prioritize deeper connections, joy, meaning, and rest — away from the tyranny of the urgent.
After the event, I found myself making more of an effort to put away my phone, allowing myself to daydream, trust my own ideas, and enjoy idle time alone and with loved ones.
I don’t know about you, but I am so tempted to speed: to do more, to feed my ego, to keep up with the Jones's. But it’s true, what Haemin says, that there are many things you can only see — and create — when you slow down.
I want to pursue this discipline and joy. I long to create good work and nurture loving relationships — fruit that will last.
As we enter the season of presents, please remember the simple gift of your presence. It is such a rare gift, this stopping, this steadiness, this solid thing — you.
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If you liked this excerpt then you’ll enjoy my new book: Good Burdens: How to Live Joyfully in the Digital Age.
